Faith Without Pictures
"For we walk by faith, not by sight." (2 Corinthians 5:7). For someone with aphantasia, that verse reads almost literally.
Friends who see
Some of my friends see vivid pictures of the future when they pray. Some receive images and visions. I love them for it, and I have watched God speak through them.
I do not experience that. I cannot picture heaven. I cannot picture the face of Jesus in my imagination. When I pray, there is no scene playing out.
For a while I wondered whether that meant I was missing something spiritually. I no longer think so.
Faith is for what you cannot see
Hebrews 11:1 says faith is "the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen." Faith was never built on a picture in my head. It rests on who God is.
I cannot picture how a situation will turn out, so I have never been able to lean on a mental image of the outcome. All I can do is my best, stay obedient, and trust God with the result. Not being able to guarantee the outcome is the very reason faith is needed at all.
And I have still seen God move. I have witnessed healing with my own eyes. It turns out you do not need a mind's eye to see miracles. You need to show up.
I feel my way forward
I am heart-driven. When I think about the things that matter most (love, truth, the people God has put in my life) I do not see them or narrate them. I feel them. I think that is part of why I do not get too attached to words and labels. Words matter enormously, and I work hard at them. But they point to something deeper than the words.
Made this way on purpose
"I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made" (Psalm 139:14). I believe God made my mind without pictures on purpose, the same way He made someone else's mind overflowing with them. Neither of us is the defective version. We are both part of His creativity, and we need each other. More in An Ode to Neurodiversity.